Car Audio Dictionary (For laughs)

Car Hi-fi Dictionary

Don’t take this seriously.

Amplifier : The box of tricks which should take music from a little signal and turn it into a big one to drive speakers and subwoofers. But when fitted wrongly just makes lots of smoke – then fire. (AMPLI – FIRE)

Components : Speakers which usually have a mid- range speaker and a separate tweeter with an extra crossover box nobody knows what to do with.

Subwoofer : Large speaker designed to play the low bass frequencies. Everybody knows the more of these you have the more your neighbours dog hates you.

Enclosure : The cabinet / bass box the subwoofer goes into. Should be designed to match the subwoofer with great accuracy using special software and tuned correctly – or any old wardrobe you have lying around.

6 x 9  : 54

Traptit  : Power cable, usually without a fuse that is routed from the battery to the amplifier by the scenic route of around the bonnet and though the door rubber.

Advice  : Noise that comes out of my mouth that forms words people rarely listen to.

Net-nit  : Self appointed car audio expert who knows everything about nothing.

Bodge  : Standard Net-nit working standards, no skill, no care and lots of mess.

Mess  : See bodge; but with lots of extra wires that may or may not be connected to anything and / or each other.

Numpty : Person who chooses not to take advice then buys the dearer option which sounds worse.

Sinceya : Person who has problems with their car since work has been done, or in some cases where work has not been done.

Bledgebie : Strange mark on your seat or trim which appears after work has been done on your car by your grubby mates mate.

Head Unit : Someone with only one head.

Gunner  : Person who plans to do a lot of things then does none of them.

Smooked : Equipment that no longer produces smoke when switched on.

Blown  : Equipment that no longer produces a flash when switched on.

Broken  : A combination of Smooked & Blown.

Lyre  : Person who says hi-fi has just stopped but was not playing it loud or anything – in fact it wasn’t even switched on when it stopped and had gran in the car at the time.

Line Out : The orderly queue made leaving a bad car audio shop.

Compo  : Money, usually gained from an accident used to buy great car audio. Also see “Visa” and “Mum”

Free  : See “Gran” and “Mum”

Fire-Hazard : Equipment about to explode expertly fitted by your Net-nit, friend, uncle, electrician or plumber.

Distortion : The horrible sound your car audio makes after it reaches “Fire Hazard” status.

Help  : K and M Acoustics offer this by the bucket load.

Wet bits : The things on the front of your face which are wet, often used to look for something you can’t find.

Lost  : The most important tool to finish a job is often described as this.

Me  : The person on the other end of our telephone. “Hello it’s Me”

Isitdoneyet : The phrase used by “Me” “Hello it’s ME, is-it-done-yet?”

1 Hour  : About 10 minutes.

10 Minutes : About an hour.

Soon  : A few hours / days / weeks / yesterday (Delete as appropriate)

Now  : Yesterday, or this instant – whichever is soonest.

Visa  : Means to buy more hi-fi to make your car sound brilliant!

Mum  : Interest free version of “Visa”

Gran  : Payment free version of “Mum”

Sad  : Cold feeling when your mate tries to fit your hi-fi and you see smoke coming from it instead of music.

Happy  : Warm feeling inside when K&M make your car sounds great!